Monday, February 23, 2009

Body Image

It's interesting to find out other people's body image of themselves and of other people--or even more interesting, other people's body image of you compared to your own body image.  Don't worry.  This post isn't going to be the mortar and pestle for my confidence.  There is a moral, and NOT a French children's story ending. 

I know I'm not overweight, yet every single day I struggle with my body image. Most days I feel like the Venus of Willendorf.  On my good days I can teeter towards Venus de Milo.  A little extreme, but that's me.  I'm a Gemini AND a female...which isn't a negative thing, necessarily..just.. you know.  Women tend to be moody anyway, and Geminis have dual personalites, sooooo...okay, moving on..

Those pesky extra pounds that creeped...okay, I'll be honest. They didn't creep on. I ingested a lot of carbs and a lot of sugar after I walked down the aisle.  No more super amazing dress to look modelesque in.  I had plenty of elastic pants to last for ages....and I just kept buying more. When I had to pull out the dreaded fat jeans from the give-away pile in the give-away dresser in the storage shed outside, I couldn't play dumb any more or pull the bloated card or the water weight card or the Aunt Flow card or the "Well, Evan says I still look really good" card. Yeah, like Evan is dumb enough to suggest a salad rather than a pizza. If I ever see the day where Evan says, "Well, baby, it looks like your muffin top is a little more overflowing than usual", I'll probably be to the point where I'm diabetic and need to go on the Biggest Loser. But I won't get there, and I know Evan wouldn't let me do that to myself.

The whole point of this blog came from me being close to tears this morning wondering what the hell is wrong with me.  I have very good friends (the kind that don't bullshit me for anything) that make my confidence go through the roof. But then the little devil on my shoulder screams at me that they're tiny, so how can they try to reassure me if they have never been more than a size 2? They don't exactly have to worry about what's going to fall out of a bathing suit and when that what will choose to do so.  
Then there are the few people who have made fat comments to me that make me feel about 2 inches tall and 12 inches wide. 

I look at Queen Latifah and Jennifer Hudson who exude confidence and sexiness. I wonder how those two women that are bigger than me look so gooooood. On the flipside, Mary-Kate Olsen and Lindsay Lohan and Kate Bosworth may be small, but they don't exactly exude confidence or sexiness. They exude the unhappy and I-need-a-cracker vibe. BUT look at Kate Beckinsale and Kate Winslet and Angelina Jolie and Rachel McAdams. They're small and healthy and confident and happy. All about body image which goes hand in hand with confidence which goes hand in hand with sexiness. I'm not a Jennifer Hudson. I'm not a Mary-Kate Olsen. Probably Scarlett Johanssonesque is a realistic goal.   

No matter how my friends build me up or who tears me down, it's all about the size that will get the bad body image hounds off my heels.  I don't want to be a size 2..I wouldn't fight it off with a stick, but I'm okay being a 6. That size isn't all that far off for me. It's just a matter of going to the gym and not pumping myself full of bread and chocolate. Easier said than done...since I love food. It just doesn't love me back. 

SO, the moral I had to teach myself today was: Don't accept yourself for what you look like now if you're not happy. Don't go crazy and look like a waif, but look like yourself. Don't settle for other people's body image of yourself. Make your own realistic one. 

Here's to lookin' like Aubrey. Cheers. 

1 comment:

Cynthia said...

Amen, Sistuh! Well said!